I grew up in a wonderful but pretty sheltered environment. Pop culture was not really a part of my existence until about seventh grade when I was standing on the risers in Choir and have a distinct memory of wondering what "Thriller" was and why everyone was talking about it. I remember sneaking home from church for a few weeks in a row to write down the top 40 most popular songs (from the radio show countdown). I had enough natural social awareness to be desperate to fit in, but was so naive and shy that my only hope of anyone thinking I was cool was my future children, so I felt compelled to record these things. (It didn't work). :)
My point is that this has never really been a big part of who I am. I have an 80's playlist that triggers some great memories, but a lot of those memories are simply how I discovered the particular song, and who I was with when I did, because I basically had to be introduced to these things.
Then I had teenagers.
I have always considered myself a "little kid" person, and I guess I still do, but I have had so much fun with my older kids as they have introduced anew to the wonders of pop culture! (eye roll appropriate here, too, if you feel the need). Some would call this regression. Others might use the term "midlife crises". I can't argue there, but teenagers are a cure for what ails this middle aged, sagging, tired parent.
Maybe it is that I am hitting that point where I'm seeing that in my own life, I have probably peaked, and things are going to start going down hill from this point, but youthful people and the things that they love are making me kind of happy right now.
My sister was here a few months ago and Kenzie talked us into watching the One Direction movie. I thought I was going to tolerate it, but it was pretty fascinating to me. I watched those five boys, who were the same ages as my own oldest kids, and was drawn in by their story and their experience. It was kind of heartbreaking to me that their parents sent them to the auditions for X-Factor, and really never saw them again. Watching them take in this crazy experience, and just be thrown into a new "family" and lifestyle and go with it and mess around and work hard and just be "normal lads" was quite fun for me. It made me cherish the time I have left with my older kids, which is really so little time. It made me happy that I have teenagers around me to keep me young.
I have some things in my house that really make me happy and this is one of them.
So when I started listening to One Direction and talking to Kenzie about them, Keaton, my seven year old, presented me with these treasures!
LOVE!!
I did not know this song before I got these, but I do now!
I don't see it. The kids that I know, if anything, are the opposite. They have more expectations, pressures, and opportunities to work hard and learn discipline than most of the kids in my generation. If anything, they could use a little more time to play in the neighborhood, or even, yes even, play video games.(Do not ever quote me as having said that.) Yes, of course they have more cool gadgets and electronic devices than we did at their age, just like we have more things than our parents did at our age. There seems to be such a trend of parenting articles talking about teaching kids by being mean to them.
If I am ready to drive car pool and I can't find my keys anywhere, I call my neighbor, and she loans me her car. It's life. I screw up sometimes. According to the things I'm reading, my neighbor should say "Stinks to be you. Your kids will have to walk. Maybe next time you will put your keys where you can find them."
A big part of the human experience is that we have plenty of opportunities to learn that we are stupid and could and should be doing better. I do not see how hanging your kid out to dry does anything but say to them that you are glad they are suffering because of this moment of failure.
I recently met someone and asked about her kids. She told me she had a 15 year old, and I said "Oh. I do too. That is such a fun age!"
She kind of gave me a dirty look.
I'm not saying that raising teenagers is easy. I know that some of my greatest trials are ahead of me in this department.
But when I take the time to go where they are, they make me smile and laugh a lot. They have discovered the greatness that is 80's music. (I really need to pull out that journal, don't I?) They have introduced me to great music, and movies, and memes, and vines. They have also introduced me to completely inane music, and movies, and memes, and vines. which has helped me remember what I was like when I was their age, and feel amazed that I ever figured it all out.
Which makes me realize that they are going to screw up, but that they, too, are going to "figure it all out."
Which makes me happy to be the person with the privilege to help them navigate life, and who has their back.
Which makes me already feel an emptiness opening up inside me that will just always be there when they are gone.
There were two coaches at our Junior High. One really loved the kids and they knew it. The other really loved to give consequences.( For example, my son's shoe flew off during a soccer game, and he was given a demerit and had to come in before school to make it up.)
When the first coach retired last year, there was a general sense of grieving for the loss of his presence at the school. There was also a huge ceremony for him that was attended by most of the city, and many, many of his former students and athletes. Many spoke about his impact in their lives. It was a testament to the way he loved those kids. People still clamor to have him come speak to youth groups and just to be around him.There are people I know who have their kids in charter schools partly in an effort to avoid the second coach. And when he retires, there will be a general sigh of relief throughout the school community.
Just sayin.
My refrigerator is also making me pretty happy right now.
beautiful, wonderful youth!
Obviously, because most kids haven't learned that effort is actually what makes us happy, there has to be some level of coercion in parenting. But even tiger mom came to the conclusion that it eventually can ruin relationships. I have found that love, empathy, and relating to kids goes a long way in inspiring them to be better and overcome their own weakness.
So, if you want to give me a dirty look right now, go sit down with your kids and watch the One Direction movie! If nothing else happens, it will make you very grateful to have them for a year or two more. And if you are really lucky, they might even think you are cool. :)
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