Summer Songs...

Yesterday evening, I sat on a movie set watching Kimball play out a scene.  He and his costars, a man playing a war veteran, and a sweet therapy dog playing an abused animal, were sitting around a campfire, sharing this beautiful moment in this redeeming movie about an abused runaway and the damaged man and dog he meets and their journey of healing.  I was very tuned in on the performance Kimball was giving, feeling that motherly concern of "is it enough?"

It has been a truly blessed experience to work on this project. The auditions were the most intense we have ever done, making it that much sweeter for Kimball to earn the opportunity to participate. Watching with me was Susan Daynes, who is the dog's owner, and we had earlier been talking about how she would not be there had her son not had a diving accident and become paralized while in high school.  She talked about all of the blessings that had risen out of that awful thing that had happened to her son. And said she could never have imagined any of it.  She joked that before his accident there was only "shopping and tennis."  She has two therapy dogs and visits hospitals with them every week.  Her son has carried the Olympic torch twice, and has been an inspiration to so many people.

Susan is getting "Stella" to sleep with Kimball

The director and writer of this movie that Kimball is working on has stage four breast cancer, and is doing this film as her "bucket list" wish.  Vanessa Greene is a funny, witty, smiling woman who is worried more about everyone's comfort than anything else, and who is quick to tease or make light so as not to take herself too seriously.  It is no surprise that for this project, she is surrounded by  very talented, good people who are doing it as a labor of love to give back to Vanessa for the ways that she has touched and inspired and changed their lives. It has been nothing but enriching to be a part of this project, and a blessing to watch Kimball have this singular experience.

      Vanessa helping Kimball understand the scene. The expletive on her way
 down, and again on her way up make her that much more endearing! :)
  She has such a great way of explaining things to him.

We do not own a car that fits our family, let alone all of the stuff that trails along behind us. As such, I spent a lot of time driving one of our two vans this summer and  took time on these occasions to listen to music, and to think.  I started to think about music and how powerful it is.  It conjures up emotions and memories and can change our moods and thought processes.  I thought about how there are probably an infinite number of ways that notes can come together to create music, and that each song is unique, while at the same time, sharing the same basic components.

Our lives are similar.  Like notes coming together to create things of beauty or power or sadness or love, so do the moments of our lives come together to create our own unique symphony.  No one else's story carries our exact melody.  But our notes and chords intertwine and overlap with those of others, making our own song more complex and often more beautiful as people come into and out of our own lives.  Think of this summer in regards to its moments being notes that overall created a melody unique to you.

I started to try to think of my summer as a composition of individual moments, most shared, some personal, that shaped me as an individual.

 The most memorable notes of this summer were love notes.  I had visits from cousins! One that I had recently found, and one that I rarely get to see. And we walked and talked and got to know each other and it blessed my life.

Juliette

Elise

 I had visits from my teenage nieces and nephews and we shared movies and music and volleyball and laughter.

We had a Marvel Marathon with the teenagers, and as a rule
 played a game or two of volleyball between each movie!

 I spent time with dear friends (not enough) and siblings.

We had a family reunion at bear lake where I forced everyone to make a very low quality but awesome music video,


I used Kenzies camera to shoot this, and had no clue
what I was doing.  My thirteen year old nephew did an 
amazing job of piecing it together and editing it! Thanks Isaac!

 and a wonderful campout on the river.

Spelunking trip

happy dirty faces

My favorite, of course, were those moments which are becoming more and more rare, when all of my kids, and Kevin, and I are together just simply enjoying our blessed and happy lives.

I made them audition for Oliver.  So thrilled!

Kevin noted the irony of me sitting on top of a pile of unfolded laundry 
to finish my fantasy series

 I sang a song of heartache and tugging as I stepped over that dreaded threshold to begin the era of my kids, the very essence of who I am , leaving home to sleep under another roof, out of my protection and care.  I'm not sure there is anything that can ever fill the void that is left when a piece of your heart walks out the door. And I know while this was a sad tune, it was small and simple in comparison to what is to come.

Worst day ever.

Luckily she comes home a lot

I had to capture what we have before Kenzie left!

I wonder, is there a melody for hot pockets and corn dogs, and daily chores left undone and a few too many levels of minecraft mastered?

To his credit, he had been on an early
 mountain bike ride....

I know there are lyrics to the song describing the feelings of summer nights. Of walks, and riding in cars with friends, and fireworks, and campfires, and sleeping outside, and staying up too late. Those lyrics are "young and wild and free." and I love that at my age I can resurrect those feelings simply by being out under the stars in the warm air.

This summer was in so many ways a song of thankfulness for safety and health and especially for opportunities afforded my kids by others' sacrifice and organization in so many things.  It brings me great gratitude and joy to see my kids go out into the world and spend time with good people doing good things and hopefully gleaning wisdom and beauty and discernment and understanding from the songs of the others with whom they rub shoulders on these occasions.

Volunteering at a mountain bike race up East Canyon with Ambre, 
the awesomest coach!

Army 5K and obstacle course

Trek

High adventure at Moab.  Great leaders and friends!

ACT camp at BYU.  Zack's family housed them!

Kaleb and Kalvin went to XC camp and ran and played their guts out

4th of July traditions with besties

Thanks Tyler for good times in San Diego

They wait for a kid to come down and grab and
 spin him on the way down. Crazy fun!

This summer's melodies, as with each summer,  had some of the unfamiliar about them. These are some of my favorite.  They stretch me and make me evaluate and think more deeply.  Among these are new friends and experiences, and also, as a result of reading my uncle's autobiography and realizing the beauty and depth that was letter writing, I was able to revive that dying art and now have three pen pals with whom I exchange thoughts and feelings that simply are not easily expressed in any other forum. I look forward so much to finding something meaningful in the mail!


And there were those notes held out.  These were the fermatas. Those seemingly insignificant single notes that hang there and resonate days later, and weeks later I am still thinking about them and feeling their impact. The instagram image of an 18 year old boy asleep with his head in his mom's lap on the day of his mission farewell, the Olympic games, the  letters I wrote for my boys to read on trek, the sorrows confided by friends, the happy facebook and instagram posts of numerous travels, family vacations, and adventures, the singing around the campfire with extended family. Kimball working so hard on his audition, worried that he wouldn't be able to do it justice, and then rising to the occasion. Koleman working really hard on the same audition with high hopes, and despite his disappointment, his excitement to see Kimball be able to do it. He is eager each day to hear how it is going. Reading with the kids and watching them find new piano songs to tackle...

And I can't forget the lighthearted, humorous music that is life with kids.  One of my favorite summer themes started by Kalvin mistaking the lyrics "some are a melody, some are a beat" from the song "Forever Young" (you know, your high school graduation song.) for "some are a manatee, some are a beach"  and the subsequent conversations (him wholeheartedly defending his version of the lyrics) trying to decide which each of us is, and how being a manatee or a beach relates to life. And Kaleb thinking he is funny by softly blowing on anyone that is close to him.  Including when we are trying to be serious, talking to somebody at church or an event, or praying.  And the water bottles up in the high windowsills from hours of bottle flipping.  And the big kids and cousins playing with the littles and making up cool handshakes with them.  This is a never quiet, often crazy, and sometimes slightly uncivilized beat from which I will admit I do sometimes have to reatreat, but that I know I will dearly miss when someday my house is quiet.

Writing marriage advice to their cousin Tanner....

Maximum Occupancy.....

This summer was for me a sunny, happy, and healing time after such a dark, ugly, and hard summer of sickness and disappointment last year.

And there were also songs of "redeeming love." I sat behind the scenes  yesterday with these friends of mine, Susan and Rebecca, whom have found goodness and beauty from their sorrows. Rebecca has overcome terrible betrayal and personal heartache and is a good and wise person. She mentioned that when we stop chasing the idea of "happiness" we can finally be at peace.  She also pointed out to me that there is always beauty of some kind that springs from our trials.

I wish I had words to describe the beauty of  that moment of watching Kimball around the campfire.  It felt like they were holding one particular take longer than normal before calling "cut" as the scene ends with little Morris, played by Kimball, staring into the fire and thinking about a mother he can hardly remember, and an uncertain future, possibly on the streets.  I looked over to the camera, still with my mind mostly on the job Kimball was doing, and wondering why they weren't calling "cut".
And there was Vanessa, sitting next to the camera, overcome with emotion at seeing her words on paper become a sweet reality right in front of her eyes. It took her a minute with a hanky to be able to see clearly enough to call "action" again. To know this woman, even a little bit is to love her.  When they had done the final take, she embraced the actors. That was one of the favorite moments of my life.  And I was reminded at that moment that ours is a universe of equals and opposites and that those songs of ours that feel the most heavy and discordant, our songs of drudgery and burden, and even our songs of sorrow,  in some incomprehensible way,  become part of a symphony.  I was reminded that because of God and His infinite love and tender mercies, and because we are surrounded by incredible human beings, out of these moments spring music of great richness and meaning and joy. 

One Direction

Yes, I am having deep thoughts about the band "One Direction", so just feel free to roll your eyes before you read on.

I grew up in a wonderful but pretty sheltered environment.  Pop culture was not really a part of my existence until about seventh grade when I was standing on the risers in Choir and have a distinct memory of wondering what "Thriller" was and why everyone was talking about it.  I remember sneaking home from church for a few weeks in a row to write down the top 40 most popular songs (from the radio show countdown). I had enough natural social awareness to be desperate to fit in, but  was so naive and shy that my only hope of anyone thinking I was cool was my future children, so I felt compelled to record these things. (It didn't work). :)

My point is that this has never really been a big part of who I am.  I have an 80's playlist that triggers some great memories, but a lot of those memories are simply how I discovered the particular song, and who I was with when I did, because I basically had to be introduced to these things.

Then I had teenagers.

I have always considered myself a "little kid" person, and I guess I still do, but I have had so much fun with my older kids as they have introduced anew to the wonders of pop culture!  (eye roll appropriate here, too, if you feel the need). Some would call this regression. Others might use the term "midlife crises".  I can't argue there, but teenagers are a cure for what ails this middle aged, sagging, tired parent.

Maybe it is that I am hitting that point where I'm seeing that in my own life, I have probably peaked, and things are going to start going down hill from this point, but youthful people and the things that they love are making me kind of happy right now.

My sister was here a few months ago and Kenzie talked us into watching the One Direction movie.  I thought I was going to tolerate it, but it was pretty fascinating to me.  I watched those five boys, who were the same ages as my own oldest kids, and was drawn in by their story and their experience.  It was kind of heartbreaking to me that their parents sent them to the auditions for X-Factor, and really never saw them again.  Watching them take in this crazy experience, and just be thrown into a new "family" and lifestyle and go with it and mess around and work hard and just be "normal lads" was quite fun for me.  It made me cherish the time I have left with my older kids, which is really so little time.  It made me happy that I have teenagers around me to keep me young.

I have some things in my house that really make me happy and this is one of them.

                                                     Picture wall. Kid Art is the best art!


So when I started listening to One Direction and talking to Kenzie about them, Keaton, my seven year old, presented me with these treasures!

                                     LOVE!!                                        

                                                                      I did not know this song before I got these, but I do now!                                                                     

People keep saying that this generation of kids we are raising is over-indulged, spoiled, lazy. and "entitled".
I don't see it.  The kids that I know, if anything, are the opposite. They have more expectations, pressures, and opportunities to work hard and learn discipline than most of the kids in my generation.  If anything, they could use a little more time to play in the neighborhood, or even, yes even, play video games.(Do not ever quote me as having said that.)  Yes, of course they have more cool gadgets and electronic devices than we did at their age, just like we have more things than our parents did at our age. There seems to be such a trend of parenting articles talking about teaching kids by being mean to them.

If I am ready to drive car pool and I can't find my keys anywhere, I call my neighbor, and she loans me her car.  It's life.  I screw up sometimes.  According to the things I'm reading, my neighbor should say "Stinks to be you.  Your kids will have to walk.  Maybe next time you will put your keys where you can find them."
A big part of the human experience is that we have plenty of opportunities to learn that we are stupid and could and should be doing better. I do not see how hanging your kid out to dry does anything but say to them that you are glad they are suffering because of this moment of failure.

I recently met someone and asked about her kids.  She told me she had a 15 year old, and I said "Oh. I do too. That is such a fun age!"
She kind of gave me a dirty look.

I'm not saying that raising teenagers is easy.  I know that some of my greatest trials are ahead of me in this department.

But when I take the time to go where they are, they make me smile and laugh a lot. They have discovered the greatness that is 80's music. (I really need to pull out that journal, don't I?) They have introduced me to great music, and movies, and memes, and vines.  They have also introduced me to completely inane music, and movies, and memes, and vines.  which has helped me remember what I was like when I was their age, and feel amazed that I ever figured it all out.

Which makes me realize that they are going to screw up, but that they, too, are going to "figure it all out."

Which makes me happy to be the person with the privilege to help them navigate life, and who has their back.

 Which makes me already feel an emptiness opening up inside me that will just always be there when they are gone.

There were two coaches at our Junior High.  One really loved the kids and they knew it.  The other really loved to give consequences.( For example, my son's shoe flew off during a soccer game, and he was given a demerit and had to come in before school to make it up.)

When the first coach retired last year, there was a general sense of grieving for the loss of his presence at the school.  There was also a huge ceremony for him that was attended by most of the city, and many, many of his former students and athletes. Many spoke about his impact in their lives. It was a testament to the way he loved those kids. People still clamor to have him come speak to youth groups and just to be around him.
There are people I know who have their kids in charter schools partly in an effort to avoid the second coach. And when he retires, there will be a general sigh of relief throughout the school community.
Just sayin.

My refrigerator is also making me pretty happy right now.

beautiful, wonderful youth!

I guess what I'm saying is that our kids can teach us a thing or two if we let them.  And even if it is just which Marvel movie came out in which order, or which teams are in the finals of the world cup, or if this is Harry or Niall singing this part of the song, or that there are actually people making money by posting videos of themselves playing minecraft.....??? It makes me happy. It makes me happy because it connects me to the people I cherish most. It makes me happy because it makes me feel less like all I have to look forward to is a slow and ugly decline.  There is just something energizing about being surrounded by young people. They are living life to its fullest.  They are learning and trying and developing. They are beautiful and bright.

Obviously, because most kids haven't learned that effort is actually what makes us happy, there has to be some level of coercion in parenting.  But even tiger mom came to the conclusion that it eventually can ruin relationships. I have found that love, empathy, and relating to kids goes a long way in inspiring them to be better and overcome their own weakness.
So, if you want to give me a dirty look right now, go sit down with your kids and watch the One Direction movie!  If nothing else happens, it will make you very grateful to have them for a year or two more.  And if you are really lucky, they might even think you are cool. :)