One Direction

Yes, I am having deep thoughts about the band "One Direction", so just feel free to roll your eyes before you read on.

I grew up in a wonderful but pretty sheltered environment.  Pop culture was not really a part of my existence until about seventh grade when I was standing on the risers in Choir and have a distinct memory of wondering what "Thriller" was and why everyone was talking about it.  I remember sneaking home from church for a few weeks in a row to write down the top 40 most popular songs (from the radio show countdown). I had enough natural social awareness to be desperate to fit in, but  was so naive and shy that my only hope of anyone thinking I was cool was my future children, so I felt compelled to record these things. (It didn't work). :)

My point is that this has never really been a big part of who I am.  I have an 80's playlist that triggers some great memories, but a lot of those memories are simply how I discovered the particular song, and who I was with when I did, because I basically had to be introduced to these things.

Then I had teenagers.

I have always considered myself a "little kid" person, and I guess I still do, but I have had so much fun with my older kids as they have introduced anew to the wonders of pop culture!  (eye roll appropriate here, too, if you feel the need). Some would call this regression. Others might use the term "midlife crises".  I can't argue there, but teenagers are a cure for what ails this middle aged, sagging, tired parent.

Maybe it is that I am hitting that point where I'm seeing that in my own life, I have probably peaked, and things are going to start going down hill from this point, but youthful people and the things that they love are making me kind of happy right now.

My sister was here a few months ago and Kenzie talked us into watching the One Direction movie.  I thought I was going to tolerate it, but it was pretty fascinating to me.  I watched those five boys, who were the same ages as my own oldest kids, and was drawn in by their story and their experience.  It was kind of heartbreaking to me that their parents sent them to the auditions for X-Factor, and really never saw them again.  Watching them take in this crazy experience, and just be thrown into a new "family" and lifestyle and go with it and mess around and work hard and just be "normal lads" was quite fun for me.  It made me cherish the time I have left with my older kids, which is really so little time.  It made me happy that I have teenagers around me to keep me young.

I have some things in my house that really make me happy and this is one of them.

                                                     Picture wall. Kid Art is the best art!


So when I started listening to One Direction and talking to Kenzie about them, Keaton, my seven year old, presented me with these treasures!

                                     LOVE!!                                        

                                                                      I did not know this song before I got these, but I do now!                                                                     

People keep saying that this generation of kids we are raising is over-indulged, spoiled, lazy. and "entitled".
I don't see it.  The kids that I know, if anything, are the opposite. They have more expectations, pressures, and opportunities to work hard and learn discipline than most of the kids in my generation.  If anything, they could use a little more time to play in the neighborhood, or even, yes even, play video games.(Do not ever quote me as having said that.)  Yes, of course they have more cool gadgets and electronic devices than we did at their age, just like we have more things than our parents did at our age. There seems to be such a trend of parenting articles talking about teaching kids by being mean to them.

If I am ready to drive car pool and I can't find my keys anywhere, I call my neighbor, and she loans me her car.  It's life.  I screw up sometimes.  According to the things I'm reading, my neighbor should say "Stinks to be you.  Your kids will have to walk.  Maybe next time you will put your keys where you can find them."
A big part of the human experience is that we have plenty of opportunities to learn that we are stupid and could and should be doing better. I do not see how hanging your kid out to dry does anything but say to them that you are glad they are suffering because of this moment of failure.

I recently met someone and asked about her kids.  She told me she had a 15 year old, and I said "Oh. I do too. That is such a fun age!"
She kind of gave me a dirty look.

I'm not saying that raising teenagers is easy.  I know that some of my greatest trials are ahead of me in this department.

But when I take the time to go where they are, they make me smile and laugh a lot. They have discovered the greatness that is 80's music. (I really need to pull out that journal, don't I?) They have introduced me to great music, and movies, and memes, and vines.  They have also introduced me to completely inane music, and movies, and memes, and vines.  which has helped me remember what I was like when I was their age, and feel amazed that I ever figured it all out.

Which makes me realize that they are going to screw up, but that they, too, are going to "figure it all out."

Which makes me happy to be the person with the privilege to help them navigate life, and who has their back.

 Which makes me already feel an emptiness opening up inside me that will just always be there when they are gone.

There were two coaches at our Junior High.  One really loved the kids and they knew it.  The other really loved to give consequences.( For example, my son's shoe flew off during a soccer game, and he was given a demerit and had to come in before school to make it up.)

When the first coach retired last year, there was a general sense of grieving for the loss of his presence at the school.  There was also a huge ceremony for him that was attended by most of the city, and many, many of his former students and athletes. Many spoke about his impact in their lives. It was a testament to the way he loved those kids. People still clamor to have him come speak to youth groups and just to be around him.
There are people I know who have their kids in charter schools partly in an effort to avoid the second coach. And when he retires, there will be a general sigh of relief throughout the school community.
Just sayin.

My refrigerator is also making me pretty happy right now.

beautiful, wonderful youth!

I guess what I'm saying is that our kids can teach us a thing or two if we let them.  And even if it is just which Marvel movie came out in which order, or which teams are in the finals of the world cup, or if this is Harry or Niall singing this part of the song, or that there are actually people making money by posting videos of themselves playing minecraft.....??? It makes me happy. It makes me happy because it connects me to the people I cherish most. It makes me happy because it makes me feel less like all I have to look forward to is a slow and ugly decline.  There is just something energizing about being surrounded by young people. They are living life to its fullest.  They are learning and trying and developing. They are beautiful and bright.

Obviously, because most kids haven't learned that effort is actually what makes us happy, there has to be some level of coercion in parenting.  But even tiger mom came to the conclusion that it eventually can ruin relationships. I have found that love, empathy, and relating to kids goes a long way in inspiring them to be better and overcome their own weakness.
So, if you want to give me a dirty look right now, go sit down with your kids and watch the One Direction movie!  If nothing else happens, it will make you very grateful to have them for a year or two more.  And if you are really lucky, they might even think you are cool. :)

Extraordinary Women

There was a casting call recently asking for videos talking about "extraordinary women" that we know.

I saw it, and didn't think about it too much until later.

One of the many delightful fringe benefits of being a woman is that you sometimes (more frequently as you age) wake up at three or four in the morning and can't go back to sleep.  This happened  to me that next morning and while I tossed and turned I realized that I wanted to submit a video, even though I knew it wasn't exactly what they were looking for.

My video would be about every "ordinary" woman I know.

The woman who, to the world is nothing, but to those in her immediate circle of family and friends is EVERYTHING.

                                               my mom (and dad. He's pretty great, too.)


Consider the woman who has found a way to provide three meals a day for multiple people year in and year out for more than half of her life, just as a matter of course. And even after her kids are grown, and she has already provided around 17,000 meals for just one kid alone, she continues to make Sunday dinner once a week so that her home can be a gathering place.  A place of love.

Or the woman who has real, genuine rejoicing when her son actually lifts the lid, and aims without any over spray or dripping. (ha. ha. J/K  That one has never really happened.)

Or the woman who carries a prayer in her heart for that child that desperately needs just one good friend to see them through adolescence. Sometimes to realize that she may be it.

Or the woman who has a smile for her family and friends when inside she is despairing.

And is not every "single mom" extraordinary?  It makes me cry to think of these women and the absolute angels that they are, and the angels that must be supporting them in their day to day lives without a husband to listen to them and bear them up.

And women who deal with an overwhelming hormone cycle EVERY MONTH and continue to get out of bed and press forward as though it is the most normal thing in the world. (okay, it is. I'll give you that. But still.....)

I know women who have spent endless hours caring for very sick parents and children without a second thought, I know women who are in abusive relationships, I know women who were abused as young girls, I know women who suffer with mental illness, I know single moms, I know women who suffer terribly with health issues, including breast cancer and mastectomy, thyroid cancer, other cancers, lupus, PCOS, MS, epilepsy, and more. I know women who desperately yearn to be mothers, and live through the roller coaster of infertility issues that is absolute hell.  I know women whose kids have forsaken the beliefs that they hold most dear.  I know women who have never known the joy and companionship of marriage.  I know women whose mothers did not nurture them.  I know women whose children are addicted to pornography or drugs. I know women whose husbands have gone stark raving mad and left them with multiple children. I know women who have watched their parents slowly and cruelly fade away to the effects of Dementia or Alzheimers.  I know women who have struggled with eating disorders and body image. I know women who suffer from anxiety and depression. I know women who have kids with special needs who go to extraordinary measures to help them have "normal", happy lives. I know women who suffer regularly with self doubt. I know women who have sent husbands to war.

This list represents my 45 years and the women that have filled them. You have a list too. The miracle is that you would never guess these things about these women. They are nurturers, they are dear friends, they are PTA helpers, they serve in the community, they pray for others and write letters of encouragement, they make meals for their families, and families in need. These women get out of bed and go to work every day and are creative and productive and beautiful and fun. They have taught my kids. I have laughed with every one of these women.  They have made my life better and brighter in real ways. They have helped me cook dinner, they have loved my kids, they have taught me to be more disciplined and work harder. They have introduced me to art and music and books that I didn't know existed. They have overlooked my faults.We have commiserated about our latest coping strategies, our kids, our favorite books, and what the bleep we are going to make for dinner. We have walked and talked and eaten and loved each other and those in our circles of influence.  We have cried.
But we have laughed more.

To me, these women are extraordinary!
To me, and the other people with whom they share this experience we call life, they are EVERYTHING.